Happy Opposite

It's a sappy crappy world today. I ran over to the Boy's yesterday afternoon and cleared all of my stuff out. All of it. I don't know if he noticed THAT but he had to notice THIS - the sleeping meds I gave him (at his request) were misssing. I grabbed them with the rest of my stuff and forgot that I had donated them to his cause.

So he called yesterday whilst I was in a theatre watching a movie. I haven't talked to him today and there were no e-mails from him. I just called and left a message on his voice mail at home... the one he rarely checks.

He has a show tonight and I'm going. Both his bands are playing and it should be a really great gig. I don't think it would be very nice of me to miss it but then again... what if he doesn't care if I go? or worse yet, what if he wishes that I wouldn't?

I have an appointment with the doctor - the shrink, I mean - on Thursday. I'm getting help but in the meantime it's hard to hold on without feeling like you've already lost. My landlord wants to show my apartment and I have make sure that it's spic and span. All I really want to do is lay in my bed. That won't get me anywhere.

does anyone read this anymore? God, I don't think so beccause every entry seems to be a jumble of the one preceded it and that doesn't make for an interesting read. Crap.

I do not know what it is that is going to make me happy. I only know that I'm not happy now. I'm happy opposite. Crap.

Leaving work for the day and dreading the night that's going to be.

Crap.