I Want A Wife
12.01.03
i have decided what i would like for christmas. so i'm going to put all the details here and cross my fingers.i would like a wife for christmas. seriously. i would like to have a wife on or before christmas and i will glady tell you why. here are things she could help me with...
- helping me keep an eye on the mK i spend. this could include giving me an allowance.
- returning my movies to the rental place, on time
- helping me to get laundry put away instead of simply piling it with best intentions, only to see it fall on the floor.
- remind me to call parents, sister, ghostbusters
- pick me up/drop me off at the airport
- purchasing groceries within my budget and making sure that we eat them before they become science projects
- send me to work with a sandwich and a hug
- rub my back and watch movies with me
- iron shirts if truly necessary
- help me remember things like birthdays, parking tickets, holidays, court dates, etc
- listen to my work/relationship troubles and coo sympathetically
- disallow me from joining columbia house, bmg, book of the month, etc.
- fixing the blooming internet connection and reworking my pc so that it does not take 20 minutes to load a page
qualifications:
- 18 and up
- literate or equivalent [has not read harry potter books but has seen the movies?]
- must not breath through mouth
- must not have audible cell phone ring
- must have own working car
compensation:
- no holidays
- free room and board [you must build your own bed though]
- meals [to be made and purchased by you at my expense]
- discounts at all locations owned by employer
- free use of my expansive CD, DVD and book collection at no expense to you
you can say that i'm being sexist but i don't care what gender applies here... i just need someone to do the job. any race, creed, gender, etc. bigots and those who wear juicy couture need not apply. i think that i've got something here.
bonus if you can cut hair or if you have a cute donna reed dress.