An Entry for A Sake of Entering

new entries are starting to feel like recycled old ones. too many repeats of the boy doesn't love me, my depression blows goats and my job is sucking the life out of me. unfortunately that's what my life looks like. it's a bit repetitive at times. so my journal reflects that and it doesn't make me feel much better.

speaking of things that don't make me feel better... guess what tomorrow is?? my big doctor's appointment. can i tell you how excited i am right now? i seriously dread these appointments. mommylap told me that she thought that was nuts. isn't that why i'm going in the first place? i get tense and bent out of shape by things that normal people barely notice.

i read in this book about depression [yeah, exciting read - fo sho] that depression isn't sadness. just being sad doesn't mean you have depression. you get disinterested in things you used to dig but also you react to things much differently than you used to. tiny things overwhelm you... it's really hard to explain this one, my friends.

let me just end this entry by saying that i spent two hours staring at a pencil laying on the floor yesterday. i couldn't bring myself to pick it up and instead stared at the damn thing until someone came by to talk to me. it's still laying on the floor and perhaps i'll pick it up today... or perhaps i'll continue to have a big old stare down with the thing.

... i know, i know. the suspense is killing me too.