New Entry, Same Great Flavor
i have to write something about the emotional roller coaster i've been on today. come on people - that's what this damn diary is for - creating a chronicle of my emotional upheaval one long twisted entry at a time.
the boy stayed out until one last night while i was sitting as his apartment waiting for him. i guess this didn't bother me as much until i realized that he was out with a girl who he went on a few dates with. we talked about it a while ago and it's all long and boring to rehash. the thing is that he doesn't get how that crap makes me feel. explaining it just makes him feel like he's married and needs to rush home.
i don't care if he's out late with this girl because i trust him... somewhat. if he realized that he put me in less than a comfortable situation that would be nice. he was kind as could be last night when he got home and saw me curled up in front of the tv. he also made good and sure to ask if he would see me tonight after my time with my drinking buddies.
i know that he cares, most of the time. stupid shit like yesterday just makes me feel shaky. i could be pissed as hell and tell him "do it again and you'll wake up with your penis glued to your forehead." or i could just realize that he's possibly an emotionally incompetent dolt and grant him a little lenience. i hate to generalize but in my experience men don't have much of a clue what's going on....
they don't even realize that they have no clue what's going on which is quite sad. when dating women i was always in trouble for something and i've tried not to do this to the men in my life. it's frustrating. sometimes i wonder if i extend a bit too much courtesy and if i'm really just captain of the S.S. StupidWench.
i don't know any answers but i've thinking about it all day with all sorts of conclusions. happy/sad/grumpy/worried/pissed... i think the only one i haven't experienced is the lack of sobriety. i'm gonna fix that after work though, never you fear.
