Worry Bump
last night i took a long bath to shave my legs. when i got around to the joyous moment of shaving my under arm i found that my right armpit was irritated. the reason being was there was a hard bump below the surface. the bump wasn't visible to the naked eye but was very uncomfortable.
so i immediately assume due to its proximity to my breast that i have a tumor and will be diagnosed with breast cancer. i'm sure you all know that i'm a call center trainer and not an oncologist but all the same that's what i thought. my mom's mom had a breast removed as treatment for breast cancer...
i stood in the shower rinsing my hair and panicking. it dawned on me that after all these years of really, truly wanting out that i was now faced with the possibility of the Big C and i didn't want it. i didn't want to die.
not too long ago i was wishing for a way to escape life without killing myself. perhaps drinking too much or smoking, something like that where you can't actually point at the smoking gun and say that i did it on purpose. breast cancer would fit that bill and i would be able to isolate and feel sorry for myself like never before...
thing is, i have no wish to do any of that. i know that the lump is not a tumor. i know that it's an inflammation of some sort. the more i worry about it and poke at it the larger it has gotten. i'm pretty sure that tumors don't expand over night... well, not that much.
i guess the moral of this story is that i don't want out anymore. i think that i've found a way to make what wasn't working before finally come together. it would be damn frustrating to break my stride now.
thanks for reading this... it's friday, you know. i have to have some sort of crisis to start the weekend, right?
