Continuing Madness
I�ve decided to write you both an e-mail to explain some things. The hope is that I can tell you some of the stuff I�ve figured out but I have to warn you about the conditions in which this e-mail is being written. Currently I�m sitting in safety zone and that means that I get a question, write a sentence, get a question, write a sentence, throttle someone with their keyboard, write a sentence. I�m feeling a bit disjointed writing this and if that comes shining through, them�s the breaks.Now to get to the meat [sorry veggie man] of my e-mail. I�ve been looking through emo glasses most of my life. I haven�t really been able to approach anything without feeling overwhelmed and that�s been the norm for so long. Then I start taking Prozac and the glasses come off. Now that I�m not spending every single minute wondering why the gods have smote me and cursed me with such shit luck I have time for other thoughts. And most of those thoughts involve being fed up.
It�s like I was wearing braces for a long time and I just gave up on having gum or Dots or popcorn. I just took those off my list of foods that I could eat and went on from there. Now that I have my freaking braces off I�m looking around for the Big League Chew and the jujubes and I find that they don�t rock. It�s just candy and what�s the big deal. I�m actually a little pissed off by that. I find that I�m mad quite a bit of the time and when I realize I�m mad I sometimes don�t really know why. After almost two decades of not getting mad I have no idea what to do with anger and that makes me angry too. It�s a strange new world I find myself in.
I told myself for years that all the things that had me so upset were not that big a deal. Now that I realize that it�s true it makes me frustrated to think of how much time I spent letting them bother me. Now I jump on top of the things that irritate me and I let everyone know. I just feel like almost everything bothers me lately. I�m not sure if this is a temporary thing or not but I know that in the interim you are both dealing with a fresh new vat of emotional fun from me. I don�t know if you like Rage "Me"* better than Crying "Me"* or how you feel.
Let�s just say that this e-mail is meant to be a big fat thank you for sticking it out. I�m not apologizing for my behavior but I appreciate the time you spend listening to me and helping me figure it out. Had it not been for the both of you I�m sure that I would have continued to write myself off as a sad sack loser and not bothered to finally tend to business. Who knows what�s going to happen now but I thank you for your part in what has happened up until now and beg your patience in the future as I continue to tinker with my rock star mental health.
Comments are welcome and expected [yes, you!] I�m doing better about telling people what I want them to do instead of just hoping that they will figure out for themselves� then getting sad or pissed when they don�t.
And that�s it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
and thank you.
*name changed to protect my feigned innocence.
