Another Damn Shoe

i was talking to mommylap earlier this week about stress, crisis. i firmly believe that neither one of us wants to belly up to the pity buffet. it just happens that when we think that we have taken just about enough and are sure that our breaking point is near... something else presents itself.

now in the last five months i have been on four trips, each lasting three weeks. since my credit could not get any more wretched, my application for the corporate credit card was declined [firmly declined. with a giant boot up my keister, no less.] so, the corporation that i work for sent me on each trip with a cash advance.

after returning from each trip i should have toed the line and filled in my expense report. notice the use of the words should have. i didn't. you have 14 days to do this and i waited about four months.

it was brought to my attention that what i did have receipts for is hundreds short of the money i was given. so they gave me $100, let's say and i can only report how i spent $75. but there is much more money involved than $25. loads.

i know that i did not financially gain from my business travel. in fact, due to the psychological strain, i'm pretty sure that they should be funding my possible psych ward stay in the future. not to mention what may be a hiked up consumption of booze and cigarettes.

i will swear on a stack of bibles that i did not profit and might have actually lost... but that's what i have to say. they need receipts. they need dates, locations, vendors and amounts.

i need valium and a sugar daddy.

today is going horribly and i feel desperate and depressed. glad to have mommylap to lunch with. also am truly glad of the johnny who will be bumming me a smoke in the near future.

it's not so much a matter of waiting for the other shoe to drop because i'm feeling that it has. i might lose my job after this or at least pay the big corporation money out of my paycheck until i bleed. this seems pretty harsh in the midday light. i'm not waiting for the other shoe, i'm waiting to see just how many damn shoes there are.