upside down

I feel bruised. Dig myself out of the funk that Eli left me in is bad enough. Now I've gone and confused and disappointed J. I feel like the grand high priestess of crap.

Tomorrow is the last day of A Woman Is A Woman playing at Oak St. I want to go but I don't want to see Eli. I don't want him to e-mail or call. It would create a bad taste in my mouth. There are places I will go and friends that we will share. So be it. I'm not going to cower underneath the sink. You just have to keep getting up every day and then there are more days in between when things went bad and when they began to heal.

I can read people and hit on what they are thinking. Romance messes that up. Once I start to really care about someone and worry about what they are thinking/feeling/doing I can't stop and think about what's really going on. When I know what's going to happen I still cover my eyes and keep walking forward.

I feel like I was walking up the stairs, I thought that there was one more step left... but there's not. I feel stupid about using this analogy and stupid for believing that someone could change.

Will be really glad to be out of town soon....