Comparing and Contrasting Fun!
last night i went to a party held by my ex girlfriend. i loved this woman completely and had to break it off because she wouldn't admit to the relationship. she loved the closet and that's where she wanted to stay. it went on for months and months and nothing changed. i felt it was a reflection on her feelings for me. maybe that was the right thing to do, i'm not sure.
now look at the situation i find myself in... i've been dating the same fella for well over a year. he won't admit he loves me which may be as good as his own little personal closet.
it's very hard to find yourself in love with someone who won't let themselves be in love with you. hard? wait, let me rethink that choice of vocabulary - it blows goats, people.
the boy and i took a friend out on friday to show her a good time. her man of four years had broken things off and she was in the hurt bag. i asked the boy why he thought the guy hadn't done it earlier... it was pretty obvious to anyone who bothered to look that there was no affection coming from his side. the boy replied that this guy was an idiot.
to this i replied "you're kind of an idiot, too." i told him that if the same thing was happening with our little scenario that the kind thing to do would be to dump me and to do it soon. his response was "but i like you baby. i like you a lot."
at which point i'm sure we all grabbed a box of tissue and cried over how romantic my boyfriend is. what a load of crap. i would end this sorry business myself but there are two facts i must make perfectly clear: 1) i'm not entirely sure that a confession of his true feelings isn't in the near future [because i'm a hopeless dolt about this stuff and will keep my head firmly planted in the clouds] and 2) i'm in love with him. i've thought that i was in love before and i was so wrong. those feelings look childish and pale in comparison...
well, except for that girl i saw last night. that still hurts. we were better versions of ourselves when we were together. we made each other really happy... i jumped ship because i wanted more.
i grimace at the thought of having to do this again. at least i know that i can live with the consequences. i saw her and didn't immediately throw my head in the oven. this too shall pass... if i demand it to.
