It's Not You, Well Mostly It's Not You
last night the boy and i chowed down some indian food. his christmas present from me this year was a gift certificate for some professional back rubbin' goodness. he didn't seem much more relaxed after his appointment but of course i wrote that off to the lousy service at the restaurant.
we ran home and i began throwing back rum and cokes in anticipation of our evening out. we had plans to attend a show at the burlesque joint downtown. we showered and got dressed up and everything. just as i slipped my feet into my shoes and started edging towards the door the boy flipped his top.
he made some sort of noise like a dying yeti and then flung himself on the couch. i tried talking to him and rubbing his back. i had no idea what was wrong but that wouldn't last for long.
after about twenty minutes with his face pushed firmly into the upholstery the boy sat up to face me. he then pulled out this favorite phrase: "you know that i love spending time with you but..." and it's about this point in the evening that i start to shaking like i've been hooked up to an electric generator.
i'm pretty sure that i'm being dumped but think to myself: "self, this might not be a bad idea. i mean, we've been trying to end this relationship for quite some time and haven't been able to hit one past the fences. maybe it's the boy's turn to call it quits?"
as you may have guessed me, myself and i are jumping to conclusions. i was not being dumped. i was being told that the boy needed more boy time. i almost punched him at this point but instead i echoed that i needed more girl time. that due to my car situation i had spent way too much time with him. not to say that i really minded the amount of time we have been spending but that we are both losing something by not doing things on our own.
it's funny because the boy wants time alone to play video games and sit around in his underwear. i want time alone to organize my life and figure out what i want from my future - and possibly do more drinking with friends from work.
he mentioned that he had never spent so much time with any girl in his life. some sick part of me triumphed at the thought of sucking up more of his time than the big love of his life. it's a sad sort of win for me though. he mentioned that if he didn't like me so much it would have been easier to bring this up earlier.
here's another choice bit from the boy: "i'd only see a normal girlfriend once or twice a week". i don't know if that means that our relationship is unusual or if i myself am abnormal...
i don't really know what to think about this but i'm still shaking. i don't know why since the thought of spending more time without him isn't terrible. i look like i've been mainlining caffeine all morning. which kind of makes me want to run and get some caffeine.
thanks for listening.
