Pity Party 2: The Search For Curly's Gold

wow. talk about a kick in the gut. today my managers here at "giant corp" pulled me into a room and gave me an official communication. it was scripted with talking points [it's corporate speak for things to talk about].

the announcement was that one of the groups that i train is ending. i did many three week classes for this group. i learned their policies and procedures and started their development here. we're talking about being in it from the ground up. they were a hard nut to crack because they didn't want anyone from the outside joining them... but i did and eventually earned their respect.

when i returned from my loa last december my former lead told me that i would be taking them on. what little confidence i had was shattered when he told me that the client group wasn't confident that i could pull it off. i was bent over and shaking after that but i bothered to stand up straight and power through.

there were other set backs... big d getting the recognition that i deserved, three long business trips to train material to different groups, financial hardships caused by this travel...

now this group is gone but my ulcer remains. something that i was really good at has been taken away.

today is my big appointment with the psychiatrist i haven't seen in months and months. i've been dreading it... now i don't know what the point is. i don't really want to be drugged up just so that i am better able to appreciate my life as it is now.

i know that i'm whining. i'm just blue and i want off the merry go round for a bit. i'm tired of huge changes and drama. i want my car to work, my checkbook to balance, my boyfriend to admit he loves me, my brain to function and to feel like i have a home...

oh god. wouldn't it be great if i started crying at work? that would kick fucking ass!

i'm fine kids. just throwing myself a little pity party. thanks for stopping by.