shock the system

depression is horrible because it saps you of your energy and punches your confidence in the nuts...

i'm back home now. i encountered two new roommates and a cat that has gone completely ballistic. he's shitting on my bed, on the floor in the basement, any random place. the new roommates are freaking out and R and i are just trying to keep it together. we can't imagine sending the chap somewhere else. but the thing is i'm only here for two weeks before heading to texas. i'm worried.

r lost his job. was fired due to the days he missed for court. the dui continues to cost him money. he hasn't told anyone else and waited until i returned home to tell me. i don't know how long he had to hold on to that secret...

i'll do the whole depression report later. if you're reading this, thank you. it's nice to know that someone is out there. i keep hitting my head against the wall. i have an ulcer and am drinking, smoking, eating spicy food - you name it. anything to piss it off. i want out and this looks like the easy way. i can't depend on myself anymore and neither can anyone else.

don't feel concern as i have been doing this for a long time. one more night of fear won't be a shock to my system.