mommylap knows best

mommylap appears out of the blue... I think of her as one of those friends that you will never meet again. A lot of personalities get recycled and you can't help it if you start a sentence with "you remind me of...". Not mommylap, she does not remind me of anyone. she is many things and they all stop and start with her.

this diary was her suggestion. 'cathartic' she says. i could use a bit of that, to be honest. battling my way through years and years of oppression... i mean depression... has really begun to erode what i thought i knew about this place.

when you find that you are lost you have to go to the map and first figure out where the hell you are. that's what i'm doing. i'm glad that mommylap found me again because i like the world better with her in it.

more than anything, i will probably use most diary entries to drone on about how some man has done me wrong. right now though, i don't want to do that. you teach people how to treat you. they know what to expect from you by how you hold yourself and what you say. think about a teacher that you had that was very stern and down-to-business. the things you would say and do with this teacher was different from one you had who made jokes about so and so kissing in a tree. i think that i play a good hand but in the end i set up many a guy with the expectations that it is okay to be a lame jackass. so there you are exes, your official get out of jail free card.

i'm not sure that this was cathartic, but i don't feel like i need to smoke right now. that could be something.