The Week That Ate My Brain
i don't remember much about it. i'm sorry to say that i hung to some of the e-mails and just re-read them. it's a horrible thing to do. i completely understand why i was thought to be crazy.
i wouldn't stop talking about the fact that i was taking drugs for my depression or mentioning hospitalization and making fun of it. that there is bad enough but it gets much worse.
one night at bub's house i got off kilter. i don't remember why but i did rummage through his knives for a bit. then after saying goodbye ran back into his apartment and tried to off myself with a bottle of aleve... while he watched me and struggled to get them away from me.
i ask you, is there a more pathetic show of lunacy? no wonder he thought that i was out of my gourd. for all practical purposes, i was. who would really want to spend time with a girl that far out of her tree? who would want her friend dating this girl? can we blame bub for cutting off contact with me slowly but surely after these events?
NO
i'm sorry that i thought that you overreacted, bub. i'm sorry that i joked about your feelings and tried to convince the boy that you were being lame.
when the boy and i began dating he said something that really made me scratch my head. he told me that he liked me much more than he thought he would. now i wonder if that has anything to do with what he expected based on bub's experiences... makes sense.
now i'm left at work feeling horribly lame. not just because of my past behavior and the realization that i had tonight, oh no... there's more. i feel lame because the boy and bub are out tonight. together. also, bub has been staying at the boy's house while he's in town this week. i've had limited access to my honey when i really need him and now my sweetie is spending time with someone who has a right to think i should be under lock and key.
this week is going to eat my brain.
