Evaluate This

my job involves training about 20 people or so in a class room for two weeks. then the people i trained fill out an evaluation and tell me how i did.

then i read over the evaluation and think about killing myself.

i can't honestly say that i have ever been able to take any of my training feedback with a grain of salt, or even a molecule of salt. salt doesn't even get near me if you want to know.

the idea that i'm not doing all that great just makes me really tired... there are so few aspects of my life where i really feel like i'm living up to any kind of potential. i pat my back simply for making it to work every day.

it doesn't take much to kick me when i'm down. it isn't much of a challenge as i try to stay low to the ground most of the time. also, i have lousy balance so when i get kicked i more than likely fall over and scrape my elbow. it's messy and not a bit awkward.

i don't own a high horse, either. i was thinking of perhaps renting one. the way i go about life i don't think that i would actually have to buy one because i wouldn't use it all that often.

i guess what i really feel here is letdown. the classes i train always seem like they think that i'm wonder woman. they bought me a friggin' wonder woman robe, for fuck's sake.

eh. it doesn't take much for me to want to run home and blubber. i guess that seeing my feedback first thing in the morning doesn't exactly set me up for success.

neither does writing entries on diaryland instead of preparing for the day's class... but i will be damned if i can't attend my own pity party.