Deep Fried Hell
i had plans of putting a happy entry about love in here today. it was going to explain for zoombeanie's benefit, if no one else's, that love is not bad. that sometimes it hurts but in general the good outweighs the bad. we all live happily ever after... or something.
i'm sorry to let you down beanie... i'm on the 'love sometimes rips you a new one' end of the spectrum today. i'm disappointed. i'm hurt. i don't really know what to do.
some would say that the boy is, after all, a boy. that he has no idea how much what he did upset me. he may not even realize just how upset i am. should i take that into consideration and wait to calmly discuss my expectations?
doubt it. this is the guy who really wants things to be simple. the guy who tells me that he's not sure where he's going to be if i want to make plans a few months out. this is the guy who tells me that he is really good at the friend thing, but not at the boyfriend thing. this guy doesn't want a relationship. not with me, not with anyone.
he spelled it out very clearly for me and i went right out and thought that it didn't apply to me. that he was trying to warn me off but obviously after ten frigging months together that maybe didn't apply so solidly anymore?
ooh! am i feeling sorry for myself? yes, i am! this sucks. i knew better. i know better. now i'm sitting here thinking about cutting my losses. i don't think that i can do it. my perception of things may not be logical or concise but it's still how they affect me. it still hurts, even when it shouldn't.
maybe things will look better tomorrow. but i can tell you this, if you ever felt like giving someone a cyber hug today is the day. hell, send your friends over if you like.
i feel like deep fried hell.
