Ho Hum
we moved from dinner to having coffee and we sat there for a bit discussing nothing. a woman was walking from table to table asking for a ride. when she asked j and i we looked at each other and then decided we'd help. turns out the woman had gone shopping at target and had some extremely heavy bags. she only wanted a lift for two blocks.
it felt good helping someone. especially when we saw that so many others weren't willing. i asked j if he thought that our proclivity for charity might be due to being from nodak. he told me that if this is true, he's glad that's where we're from.
last night as i sat in my room i thought again about the sorry state of affairs that is my love life. while i don't want to get married i still love the idea of pretending that you have a serious relationship. so while i don't want to have the boy get down on one knee and propose, i still want him to be some kind of romantic. the way things are right now, it's all too obvious that we are together because it's fun and the sex is phenomenal.
that's the main idea, that's what i'm looking for. however, i want it to come in a nice package that pretends to be in love with me. i don't need or want it to go anywhere. i just hate the constant reminder that it's just for fun.
i'm beginning to wonder if i shouldn't just drop this relationship and go look for another. there might just be someone out there who is willing to do the main bit and still pitch in with all the other trappings... and if not, i'm not sure that it isn't better to be alone?
but that's today. i'm sure after not seeing the boy for four days that i'm overreacting. after seeing him i'm sure that i'll find everything is groovy. just not sure that i should feel that way...
my depression is really gearing up. there's been a bit more stress lately and the holidays don't inspire me much. i just want to crawl into a ball mostly.
this doesn't apply to any of you, but sometimes people suck.
