I do, I do

Ever stop and just tell yourself to stop going in the wrong direction? Do you listen to yourself? I don't either. It stinks though. If I didn't take the time to tell myself that kind of thing then maybe I wouldn't continue to feel like a completely spineless boob.

I stay with The Boy. If you bother to read this here diary you will know that I continue to complain about The Boy. I know that he has told me what I need to know and I refuse to hear him. I'm just waiting for it to not be true anymore. For him to spontaneously change his mind about too many things to type here.

Damn.

I'm spending all this money to go on trip with him to Hawaii. His sister is getting hitched. So I'm going with my commitment-phobic boyfriend to watch a ceremony that he and I will NEVER EVER participate in. That sucks. It's a horrible feeling being sad about going to a wedding. I feel like a cold-hearted ass but I don't look forward to seeing vows exchanged in one of the world's most romantic settings while standing directly next to The Boy.

And before I can even get to Hawaii I have to live through work hell for the entire month of January. Which of course follows directly on the heels of work hell in December and November and only briefly preceeds February work hell.

Something needs to change. I need to start looking around at what I can do and stop pretending that it will get better if I keep my nose to the wheel. Being a good girlfriend with a bad boyfriend is the kind of insane behavior that gives women a bad silly image and I need to stop the crap.

Thanks for reading another version of the same entry I've been posting for two damn years. I'm working on it and getting nowhere but I really intend to move on in some way shape or form.

No, seriously. I do.