joe schmoe, suck my toe
but we did, didn't we? bumped into you at one of my karaoke outings. with no mommylap to bolster me i was completely lost. but before i get myself into that part of the evening let me finish off with the bit that i at least knew was headed my way.
after the boy was kind enough to visit me at work and drop off my meds (this involved a wee bit of kissy face in his car) i headed to my karaoke place of choice for my tuesday night roundabout.
once there, j met me. finally got the words together and told him that the boy and i were back together. i spit the words at him and hoped that i could clean things up. j didn't immediately begin throwing forks at me. no, he says that he can't hate me because i was honest with him and because i am trying to do what will make me happy... that this is what he really wants for me, anything that will make me happy. he just wished that it was him.
there was an awkward hour spent with j at karaoke. we walked to his car and he gave me a present. i hate to think that i'm a petty so & so... but it occurred to me (since he had conveniently inclosed the receipt were i to wish to return it) that the gift j had bought me was just a bit more spendy than that of my current boyfriend... it seemed a bit like a beacon shooting out into the darkness. i chose not understand said beacon, hugged j goodbye and moved on.
a few songs later, on my return from the bathroom, that's when you showed up joe. i talked to you for a moment before we both entered the room with the karaoke happenings. but not before we could attack the subject of my current boyfriend...
do i still have feelings for you? god, i don't know. do i wish that things were different with the current, probably. am i falling apart? yes. yes. yes. and that's so lame. it's not because of you, you don't help though. i live with one ex, i don't need you hovering over my head, now do i?
i do feel like the floor is sliding out slowly from under me. that soon i might not be able to cope much with anything. that since i talked to the boss lady about missing work due to my depression, well that i should miss work... but some of the floor still keeps its hold. some of it will stick around to see if i remain standing.
some of the floor is in for a cliffhanger of an ending.
i'm right there with it.
