Pick Your Misery

one last thought. as i won't have computer access while the weekend is here i have to get one more thing down...

do you think that it's possible that i choose stress? that perhaps everything might be going smoothly except that i will it to go amuck? could i be standing on my porch wooing the crises in from the cold?

"i'm okay when everything is not okay..." - tori amos upside down

once a doctor told me that i stopped taking my medication when it started to work because feeling normal didn't feel right. maybe i enjoy constant stress because it is familiar.

i'd hate to think that i had put all the people i care about in the wake of such a self-centered hullabaloo. the times i had to call for help or the strength that they have shown... was it all forced because i have selected weakness?

is that what this is? am i refusing to be happy. am i creating my own misery.

maybe that's a question i don't want answered...