ouch

a thought hit me today. this particular thought has hit me before. see my bruise? (oh, sorry. can't see me through computer. probably for the best. bruise is definitely larger internally and would not be all that impressive).

the thought, (you know - the one that hit me?) is about the boy. it's about the fact that i base my mood quite a bit on his behavior. this is something that i do by choice. he has never asked me to do this.

he would probably ask where the damn bruise is from. maybe he would ask where the thought (remember, the one that caused the bruise?) is from, too? but i wouldn't be able to tell him that. every time the thought hits me i toss it as far away from me as possible. i don't like thinking that someone who likes, no not likes, strives to be detached from me... well they just shouldn't have that much say, now should they?

but they do.

he is on the phone with me right now and i want to cry.

hold on, girl. this is really going to suck. random crying, staring off into space... crying.

i've been here before, what did i do then? oh, yeah. i ignored it. so it hit me again.

ouch.