tough times...

Mirror in the bathroom.  Recompense  
For all my crimes of self defense.
Cures you whisper make no sense
Drift gently into mental illness.

just think broken record, my friends. i have trouble sticking to my meds so the depression is rapidly gaining control. i didn't even bother to bring one of my prescriptions along. failed to plan, planned to fail.

i realize that i continue to set myself up to feel like crap. it's one long, never-ending story.

i'm in texas for work but i cannot bring myself to actually participate in anything. i update here and read the entries of my buddies. i drink coffee and send e-mail. i know that next week i can help answer questions in safety zone. i won't simply be dead weight next week.

feeling like dead weight just makes it that much easier to commit to sinking lower. eli is going to be meeting me in houston tomorrow. this isn't even beginning to cheer me up. kind of concerned that i won't be able to put a smile on my face while we're together for the weekend.

is there really a way to snap out of it? i'm hoping. i've been down this road before. you would think that it would stop scaring the shit out of me by now... no dice.

i'm going to work on my 'tude.