Holly Jolly Folly
early on in my first year of college my mother decided to admit herself to the psych ward. the thing is that my mother worked in the hospital as a nursing supervisor. i can't imagine the complications that seeking therapy in your place of work brings about.
this all happened shortly before thanksgiving. my mother was slowly pulling her feet under her by christmas. she was able to leave the ward for a few hours at a time. by the time kris kringle is heading to town she was cleared for an evening with the family.
my grandmother was still alive at this time, although my grandfather had been gone for about six years. my grandmother had been hospitalized for a nervous breakdown when my mother was a teen. despite her brush with mental illness in the past she was still hosting our christmas dinner.
my sister, who had just left treatment and a quick stay in the psych ward the year before, was to meet us there. my father brought my mother from the hospital to my grandmother's.
it was only slightly festive. my dad, my mom, my grandma... we kept the small talk going as we put dishes onto the table. then we waited a bit for my sister... then some more.
she was coming from a friend's house. that was the plan, at least. she called a few times to say that she was running a bit behind. this made my mom more tense and we had her lay down in the bedroom. then my sister called to tell us that she wasn't coming.
apparently the stress of yuletide cheer had led her to not only fall but leap off the wagon. she was crying and completely intoxicated.
a more happy version of this news was shared with my mother. hearing that her oldest wouldn't be around during all the merry and gay bits, my mom began crying loudly and blaming herself.
this led to my grandma crying loudly and blaming herself. my dad simply stood next to my mother and tried to pet her head. [this is not effective and it looks lame, i don't recomment petting the heads of the mentally taxed. stroking the hair and rubbing the back, yes. petting the head, no].
seeing that the grinch had swiped christmas i fumbled into action. i sent my dad out into the cold to warm up the car while getting my mom into her coat and hat like some kind of challenged toddler. my dad came back inside and i sent him out with my mom.
i then started placing tupperware in front of my grandma. i helped her to put all the recently served foods into burpable containers. when the last bit of food had been compartmentalized and stored i then had my grandma get settled into bed.
i sat there, in the quite condominium wondering where the fa-la-la-la-fun was. money for presents in the last few years had gone to insurance co-pays and drug treatment centers. i didn't mind that the retail side of christmas was gone. i missed my family's inability to pretend, even for one day, that we were somewhat normal.
we haven't even bothered to try since... i miss christmas.
