Happiness Is A D-Land Rant

i am so bloody tired of being nice. i am altogether too nice. i tell cashiers who don't even look at me to have a nice day. i don't stop at drive-thrus if the place is closing in fifteen minutes. i help customers when they are looking for something... i do not work in retail. i bus my own tables when the waitress is busy. i don't order frozen margaritas if i'm the only one getting them. i have often stayed awake thinking about what to get a friend for their birthday, when they forgot mine.

it would be easy to just write this off as my being a push over - i'm probably that many times over, but i'm something else, too. i'm hopeful. i'm damn hopeful.

what i'm hopeful for is that people will be nice to each other - just bloody because. i hope that my being nice to one person will encourage someone else to do the same. please don't start making connections with this and that lousy 'pay it forward' movie. i'm just talking about being decent and considerate.

i read other diaries [i do, there is time between all my obsessive posting to actually read]. while i'm reading i see that there are some damaged people here. they aren't abnormal or even that different, they're just being honest. someone out there was indifferent, was impatient, was too lazy to take the time to be kind.

to the lady at wendy's who thrust my order out of the drive up window without looking at me, i'm really sorry for your crap mood. but i'm glad that i chose not to take it to my hotel with me. i feel like i'm fighting an uphill battle to like myself every day. it would be all too easy to run up to my room and stare at my wrists... it is sometimes that easy to turn someone's mood. you could very easily be that person's last straw.

you could, you know.

i'm just throwing these thoughts out there and i don't expect a diaryland movement, for crying out loud. i am often worn out by being nice and tired by the effort it takes to keep my inner sarcasta-bitch at bay.

i'm not trying to win anyone over by sucking up. i just really want to see people happy, content, free from unnecessary bullshit. so i guess that i'll keep doing it. that is, as long as i can vent here every now and again.

maybe this would be a good time for fun?