What You Wrote, What I Read

my reaction to it is worse.

the topic comes up and i go on auto destruct. instead of going to sleep when i got tired or using meds when the hour approached, i kept awake past 7 in the morning. then i got up around 9:45. my plans involve going to target to find a new litter box and litter. according to every single cat psychiatrist the chap is not upset with me, he just doesn't want to make the trip to his litter box. can't say that i blame him as the basement is a scary place for visiting, much less 'eliminating'.

i am not one inch closer to leaving the house and getting productive. opus left me a note that was meant to have a friendly spin... it just reads to me like i'm one lazy dolt. here, i'll preserve the dang thing:

"could you clean out the extra room to the point where it could be a guest room/tv room? i would like to get that going next week. also, i am going to work on the cubby at the top of the stairs. have a good weekend! good to have you back.
opus

and i ask you, does it sound like he hates me? or perhaps that he finds me to be a loathsome slob? no

for those of you who don't "get" depression let me show how my piss-colored glasses filter that last bit:

could you please clean out the extra room, you selfish pig? to the point where someone could actually enter the room instead of simply stare in befuddlement at the amount of crap you have managed to amass there? if you are able to afford so much crap why can't you afford to get to your bills earlier? i would like to get going on this room next week. you think that you could work on this before then or will you be too busy cowering in your room crying or perhaps sitting at your boyfriend's house doing nothing? also, i am going to be highly-productive and work on the cubby hole at the top of the stairs. could you see to it to move of the some that crap of yours? it's been there a long ass time. do you care that we have to look at your 'clothing donations' bags all the time? have a good weekend cleaning, rat bastard. it's good to have you back in state so you can finally get some work done

if i were to simply start cleaning this horrid feeling might find itself being edged out of domination. i'm taking a deep breath and hoping that doesn't just lead to smoking...