Spine Located, Status So-So
i called him. i told him that what i really wanted was for him to pick me up. he isn't cancelling his plans but his brother who loves me will be tagging along with him. so security has been set. it is no longer a small intimate party but one at large & loud first ave.
he's been a bit off-color all week. i don't usually go from zero to anti-trust this quickly but the facts are not in his favor. i was speaking to him on the phone just now, he had to let me go to talk to his ex.
the ex in question had intimate relations with him after we started dating. NO!!!! yes, it's true. they had one last go and he told me about it eventually. they haven't since. according to the boy he also hasn't talked to this ex for six months. since he and i were friends for years before we started dating, i actually knew her a bit. [she and i kissed a few times. this being the case, i know a bit about what he's missing.]
i guess when i'm the ex i will be glad that i still have clout. enough clout to have a long distance call with the current ended, no less! [so bitter...]
one bright ray of hope in all of this is that i will be driving home next week with j. doubt that the boy will get jealous but some evil part of me thinks that would be fair.
when i can look into the boy's eyes and see what things are like i should be much better. it's hard when he's so far away and my trust-o-meter bottoms out. i'll deal with this and i'll be less wimpy. more assertive. i am still working to become a better thisendup.
thank you for listening, for being patient and for being appropriately pissy when necessary. loud and clear, over and out.
